Is this in our ‘not too distant’ future?

 

Hello! Is this Gordon’s Pizza?

No sir – it’s Google Pizza.

I must have dialed a wrong number.  Sorry.


No sir – Google bought Gordon’s Pizza last month.


OK.  I would like to order a pizza.

Do you want your usual, sir?


My usual – you know me?


According to our caller ID data sheet, the last 12 times you called you ordered an extra-large pizza with three cheeses – sausage – pepperoni – mushrooms and meat balls on a thick crust.


OK – that’s what I want .


May I suggest that this time you order a pizza with ricotta – arugula – sun-dried tomatoes and olives on a whole wheat, gluten free, thin crust?


What?  I detest vegetables.


Your cholesterol is not so good, sir.


How the hell do you know?


Well, we cross-referenced your home phone number with your medical records. We have the result of your blood tests for the last 7 years.


Okay, but I do not want your rotten vegetable pizza!   I already take medication for my cholesterol.


Excuse me sir, but you have not taken your medication regularly.  According to our database, you only purchased a box of 30 cholesterol tablets once, at Drugsale Network, 4 months ago.


I bought more from another drugstore.
 

That doesn’t show on your credit card statement.


I paid in cash.


But you did not withdraw enough cash according to your bank statement.


I have other sources of cash.


That doesn’t show on your last tax return unless you bought them using an undeclared income source, which is against the law.


WHAT THE HELL? ! ! ! !


I’m sorry, sir, we use such information only

with the sole intention of helping you.

Enough already!  I’m sick to death of Google – Facebook – Twitter – WhatsApp and all the others!!   I’m going to an island without internet – cable TV – where there is no cell phone service and no one to watch me or spy on me !!


 

 

 

 

I understand sir – but you need to renew your passport first.  It expired 6 weeks ago!!

 

 

 

Before you hang up sir, about the pizza!~

 ….. Humor is serious business, and that’s not funny! ….