AARP

inkwell[American Association of Retired People] Questions and Answers from AARP Forum – Some are Funny; Some are too true to be funny.

Q: Where can single men over the age of 50 find younger women who are interested in them?

A: Try a bookstore, under FICTION.

Q: Someone has told me that menopause is mentioned in the bible… Is that true? Where can it be found?

A: Yes. Matthew 14:92: “And Mary rode Joseph’s ass all the way to Egypt…”

Q: How can you increase the heart rate of your over-50 year-old husband?

A: Tell him your pregnant.

Q: How can you avoid that terrible curse of the elderly wrinkles?

A: Take off your glasses.

Q: Seriously! What can I do for these crow’s feet and all those wrinkles on my face?

A: Go bra-less. It will usually pull them out..

Q: What is the most common remark made by 50-plus year olds when they enter antique stores?

A: “Gosh, I remember these!”

Here are some more…

  •  The cardiologist’s diet: Simple! If it tastes good spit it out.
  • Have you noticed the older one gets the more preoccupied one gets with bodily functions?
  • Inflation is when you pay twenty five dollars for the ten-dollar haircut you used to get for five dollars when you had hair.
  • Happiness is nothing more than good health and a bad memory.
  • On Financial Planning: The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and keep it in your pocket.
  • On computers: They are like the Old Testament gods; lots of rules and no mercy.

A woman is like a teabag… [ ohh ohh one could be brewing a storm!? Well here goes]

A woman is like a tea bag…You don’t know how strong she is until you put her in hot water.

MargoKidderMargot Kidder once heard to have said..

“It was a wonderful time to be young. The 1960s didn’t end until about 1976. We all believed in Make Love, Not War. We were idealistic innocents, despite the drugs and sex.”

goldwaterBarry Goldwater, Senator from Arizona once said of Hubert Humphrey, Vice President of the USA,

Humphrey talks so fast that listening to him is like trying to read Playboy magazine with your wife turning the pages.”  ~